


In the midst of life we are in death

by Nary



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cemetery, Hand Jobs, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 20:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9623279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nary/pseuds/Nary
Summary: Albus knew what he wanted was unspeakable.  He knew what happened to men like him.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wildcard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildcard/gifts).



Albus knew what he wanted was unspeakable. He knew what happened to men like him. He could barely bring himself to think the vile words. 

_Sodomy._

_Buggery._

_Perversion._

But knowing that it was immoral, illegal, and utterly impossible didn't prevent him from lying awake at night, wondering what it would be like - conjuring with his memory the sight of Gellert's skin gleaming in the sunlight as he stripped off his clothing before swimming, going further in his fantasy than he dared in real life, imagining the heat of that skin if he were to touch it. But how would Gellert would react? That was a mystery. Would he laugh? Push him away in disgust? Most terrifying of all, would he draw closer with that wicked smile on his lips? Albus tossed and turned each night, tormented by visions of what could not - _should_ not - be.

By day, he pretended a studied carelessness. They spent hours in each others' company, and if he couldn't hide his feelings entirely, at least he could mask it under the semblance of mere friendship. There was nothing more wonderful than the thrill of excitement he felt when Gellert's eyes met his, a knowing look, for there were secrets only the two of them shared. Plans for the future, dreams of power and glory. If Albus' most intimate dreams were of a different sort, he would suffer in silence, as long as he could stay by Gellert's side. Or so he thought, at any rate.

There were moments when he wondered whether Gellert suspected the truth of his feelings, though. Something in the curve of his lips, or the way he leaned against him as they sat beside one another, allowing their shoulders to touch, occasionally even taking his hand as they spoke. He told himself surely he was imagining it. Even if he hadn't managed to completely conceal his yearning, there was no way his friend could reciprocate it. Gellert was stronger than him, more manly, more pure of blood. His ambitions were idealistic, not base and carnal. He wasn't _tainted_.

 _And yet... perhaps he could be_ , whispered a tiny voice in Albus' head, a voice he tried and failed to dismiss. 

His desires grew harder to resist the longer he spent in Gellert's company. One languid sunlit afternoon as they sat in the churchyard of Godric's Hollow, Albus realized that for some minutes he hadn't heard anything Gellert had said - he was too busy watching the way the light glinted in his fair hair and played across his features, the shadow of his hand as he held it up and then let it fall again. He realized that his friend had paused and was gazing at him, waiting for him to reply to whatever he had just said. Albus blushed, trying to think of something clever to say, something that wouldn't betray his true thoughts.

"They aren't going to like it," he blurted out, with a vague sense that the last thing Gellert had been talking about were his aims for wizards to emerge from behind the veil of secrecy and rule over the muggles. "Surely they'll fight back."

Gellert laughed. "Do you truly think they can stop us? I'll allow that the mudbloods have numbers on their side, but they're ignorant, weak. If we actually used our power to its full extent instead of hiding away like frightened rabbits, they'd soon fall before us."

"What do you mean, 'to its full extent'?" Albus asked, leaning closer.

"We need to stop being so lily-livered. What is it but laws made by simpletons, and tradition borne of cowardice, that keep us from using the so-called 'dark arts' to uphold our natural rights?" Gellert's grey eyes flashed with passion as he spoke, and a feverish flush spread across his cheekbones. "We have the power to torture and kill with a wave of our wands - we would be fools not to use it." 

"They'll fear us," Albus whispered, with a mix of awe and horror.

Gellert grasped his hand tightly, his voice low as he confided in his friend. "They _should_ fear us. I've done it before - I can teach you."

Albus wanted to agree, wanted to share the excitement in death that Gellert so clearly gloried in, even though part of him knew the atrocities that lay behind those words. _Teach me_ , he wanted to say, and _They should worship us, like I worship you_ , but he was tongue-tied, and instead he pulled Gellert roughly towards him and kissed him. His every nerve felt as though lightning was blazing through it, even though he knew it was wrong, or because he knew it was and didn't care. 

Gellert stiffened but didn't struggle or push him away. Albus was the one to break the kiss, and drew back breathless, still clutching his hand. For a long moment they stared at each other, and Albus felt a cold dread begin to crawl up his spine. He could see shock in Gellert's face, and disgust, and knew that he had gone too far. So he was shocked in turn when Gellert grabbed him by the shirt front and pulled him close again, their lips an inch away from one another.

"Is that how you want this to be?" he hissed. 

"Yes," Albus said, his voice trembling. "I want us to rule them together. I want you to be mine." A panic was growing in him, fear that he had ruined everything they'd dreamed of because he'd been unable to control himself. He knew what atrocities Gellert was capable of - and yet his desire for him remained as strong as ever. "Now we know the worst about each other. You know my secret and I know yours." He wasn't sure if it was a threat or a plea for mercy.

"Bound together by our crimes." Gellert's lips parted in a knowing smirk. "Very well, then." 

He kissed Albus roughly, teeth hard against his lips. They pulled one another down between the tombstones, out of sight from any passersby. Albus's cock was so stiff he thought he might spill his seed as soon as Gellert touched him, and he kissed back all the harder. 

Gellert was soft still, but Albus knew now how to get a reaction out of him. "Tell me," he said, shoving his hand down Gellert's trousers, "how it feels to kill someone." He was rewarded at once by a surge of arousal from his companion, and moaned as he felt Gellert's cock swell in his hand.

"Incredible," Gellert whispered, nipping at his ear. "Thrilling. Powerful. When they see their death coming and beg for mercy - when it's in your hands how much they'll suffer..." He sucked in his breath as Albus stroked him, now fully hard. 

"You're in my hands now," Albus pointed out, squeezing him more tightly. "I could make you suffer."

"But you won't," Gellert told him, tugging his shirt out of his trousers, unfastening buttons with a flick of his fingers. "Your weakness is that you care for me. You'd be my willing slave - I wouldn't need an Imperius curse to control you."

Albus closed his eyes, knowing it was true and feeling a queasy disgust that mingled with his overwhelming desire. Would he ever be able to say no to Gellert? He guided Gellert's hand to wrap around his cock so that they were stroking each other in a harsh, clumsy rhythm. It wasn't like what he'd imagined - it was raw and desperate and glorious. "You don't want a slave," he gasped. "You want an equal - someone who sees you for the monster you are and loves you anyway. And I'm as close as you're ever going to get." 

Gellert moaned, his hips jerking involuntarily in response to Albus' touch. "I don't want you the way you want me. I can't be what you need."

"Be yourself - that's all I need," Albus told him, kissing him. Nothing else in his life would ever quite live up to the moment when they wrang a frantic orgasm out of one another, biting down to keep from crying aloud, full of life in the midst of death.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at [naryrising](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/naryrising) if you want to ask questions, make requests, or chat!


End file.
